A klutz day. Which makes a simple Sunday roast a dangerous thing.
1. To remove the cooked chicken from the roasting pan, it is not recommended that you stick a fork up the bird, head-on-pike style. Leverage will result in molten cooking juices and cavity steam burning your fork hand, and serving it right.
2. When adjusting red-hot oven shelves, do not use your bare hands. Skin tends to stick and blister. Somewhere in the kitchen there should be an ovenglove*.
3. It is fine to parboil potatoes for roasting. It is not a good idea to balance the parboiling pot, filled to the brim with soaking water, on top of the grill pan which is in turn balanced on the ovenglove* on the lid of the bin. It is likely that when you are crouched at the freezer, seeking peas, you will catch the handle, and bring a clattering Jenga tower of metal and a tsunami of starchy water over yourself, and the kitchen floor, right at the crucial moment when gravy is boiling and broccoli threatens to over-steam.
4. If you are sloshing around the kitchen, bruised, wet and burned, do not attempt to cut corners by turning roast potatoes with your fingers. You have turned the heat right up to 'crisp them.' And this is what will happen. To the potatoes and your fingers.
5. If you are unlucky/incompetent enough to complete steps 1-4, please ensure you have a plum crumble for pudding. This will make everything alright.
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