Day 34: IMMORTALISE Me On The Net!

Before

After

In most towns there is a house that goes overboard with festive decorations.  We have one.  A serious contender, and no amount of utility bill hikes are going to get in the way.  Back in late November preparations were starting (left).  I passed again today, and laughed out loud(right).  Horrific but also truly brilliant. 

Today I thought I'd mix things up by meditating at my desk.  Because I don't have room for a special meditation space/chair/alcove, and I find sofas and beds too squashy.  So I need to use what I have.  Interesting results.  About two minutes in, my ego starts jumping up and down hyperactively, offering a non-stop stream of alternatives, suggestions and distractions in a most transparent and ridiculous way.  'Ooo - you NEED a cup of tea, your throat is ALL tickly!  INVOICES!  Those need doing too!  AAARRRGGGH - you're expecting a call in thirty minutes!  What happens if it comes early and disturbs you?  NOOOO!  Is your phone on silent?  IS IT? Check!  Go ON!  This is HILARIOUS!  Look at me distracting you!  You could WRITE about it!  In your BLOG!  Quick!  Make some notes, before you forget just how funny I'm being!  IMMORTALISE ME ON THE NET!'

(It makes me think of Bo - the Staffie pup my ex-flatmate used to own.  A total wriggler - devious and energetic and demanding.  Like a hot licky bullet with fur and needle sharp teeth.  No discipline.  No boundaries.  No bladder control.)

When I was on the retreat, I didn't get this inane chatter.  Distractions, yes - but not this level of coke-fuelled blether.  The difference is that I'm at my desk - the realm where my ego rules and is used to having dominion.  So, of course it's going to kick off. 

But this is the first time I've felt my ego (as in meditational terminology, not Freudian) as something definitely distinct and separate from the rest of me.  I think I've always thought that internal monologue WAS me.  But today the monologue was like sleeve-tugging from a third party.  A very annoying (if unintentially funny) third party.  After a remarkably short time it got bored, and settled down in its basket.  Suspect that it's not beaten, just regrouping.

'CINEMA!  Yessss!!!  You NEED to see a film!  YOU know - for your emotional INTELLIGENCE!  Perhaps you're HUNGRY?  How much protein have you had?  That's NOTHING - you will LOSE brain cells!  Have you checked under the sofa for missed delivery cards?  I BET there are several under there - all REALLY IMPORTANT.  When did you last GIVE BLOOD?  For FUCK'S SAKE - people are DYING out there.  Have some CHEESE.  NOW.  Is Masterchef on yet?'