Day 59: Split Peasonality

The hard month of January.  I usher it in with a visit to the gym, and a vat of split pea soup.  There's something heroic about split peas - I have always suspected they absorb evil.  I have no proof.  It's just a hunch.

Today I test my theory with an internet search.  Some interesting findings:- 

Firstly, any round legume (eg SPLIT PEAS) eaten in the New Year brings luck.  (Indirectly absorbing evil by promoting good fortune.) 

Secondly, split peas act as a cholesterol-mop (expliciting absorbing fatty 'evil'). 

Thirdly, they can be used to rid your house of ghosts.  All you need to do is leave a pile of anything small and granular (beans, sand, salt - but in this instance we are using SPLIT PEAS, obviously) overnight in the room that is haunted.  Apparently any ghost will be spiritually obliged to stop and count the grains, but because they cannot physically separate them, they lose count, and have to repeatedly start over.  Several nights of this will have them flouncing out in tears of frustration*.  (Absorbing spiritual evil.)

Split peas.  Working against ill-fortune, clogged arteries and ghosts. 

Split peas are available at most supermarkets and will cost you about a pound for 500g.  Heroic and cheap.

Peas be with you.   

*  This approach is not recommended for use with autistic savant ghosts (playing to their strengths) or poltergeists (messy).