Day 85: Rude, Noble and Decorative

A trip round the 99p Stores in Muswell Hill, on the hallowed ground where Woolworths once stood.  A great deal of pleasure to be found in the randomly-crammed aisles. 

Fancy a guaranteed laugh?  You're in the right place.  Here's 'Rude Polly', a talking fabric parrot.  'With so many different phrases, Rude Polly is a guaranteed laugh.'  There's the guarantee.  And with the sample snippet 'Just look at those tits?' (sic - the question mark is there), I think we've all experienced the veracity of that claim. 

Not up for adult fun?  Want something more noble?  How about some WARRIORS of VIRTUE.  Yes.  There's a choice of three sub-Thunder Cats (less predatory; more Thunder Kangaroos):- 

Chi - Virtue of Wisdom; Power of Fire.  He flings blazing arrows and pitches scorching fireballs at his enemies. Nimble and flexible, he is fast as lightning in a whirlwind. Chi is clever and keen, but his eagerness to battle evil can also get him into trouble. Chi borders on being recklessly curious. Still, his sharp wit and pyrotechnic skills make him the hot shot among the Warriors.

Lai - Virtue of Order; Integrity of Wood.  Lai is solid as a tree trunk. A master woodcarver, Lai arms himself with a beautifully-crafted, wooden staff. He anticipates the strategy of his foes, and uses exceptionally strong footwork from double and triple roundhouse kicks to the unique "shadowless kick." Where there is chaos, Lai brings order and stability.







And Yee - Virtue of Righteousness; Strength of Metal.  Yee's kung-fu blows are as hard as iron. His arms have the crushing might of a bear, and his body is a strong, protective shield. Yee is the silent judge of right from wrong and lives by a strict code of honor. His steely silence gives him the appearance of being unfeeling, but underneath his indomitable will is a heart of gold.




ALL this noble-ness for £2.97. 


No?  Not for you?  Then how about a 'Decorative Wasp'?  It's big - about 20cm long, thereby maximising ornamental potential.  Not sure what to do with a DW?  No problem, because there are some helpful serving suggestions of the packaging -'Attach to Tree, Fences, Garden Sheds and Wall...'.

This is a powerful piece of brand management.  The wasp - previously feared and avoided - has now assumed 'Decorative' status in my mind.  The possibilities are endless.  Fear something?  Simply apply a new adjective ('shy', 'ornamental' and 'needy' are reliably good).  Eg Ornamental Al Quaeda.

Bored?  Depressed?  Get yourself down to the 99p Stores.  Rude, noble AND decorative.