Friday, 16 November 2012

Day 359: Michael Hutchence - Who He?

Today I realise quite how young my group are.  We are talking about those MTV-style interviews, where presenter and celeb are disingenuously lolling around on a bed, because they are all casual and hip.  I mentioned the precursor to these - Michael Hutchence being interviewed by predatory Paula Yates on The Big Breakfast.  I am greeted with blank looks from all present.  'I don't know who either of those people are' explains one. 

The infamous interview I refer to (Paula approaching flirtation like a lumberjack closing in on a tree) happened in 1994.  Eighteen years ago.  When the suited and booted group in front of me were four or five, and probably hooked on Teletubbies.  Weird. 

I'm still surprised, though.  In my early twenties I knew about people like Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix - even though they were dead before my time.  We lived in a smaller, slower world.

Today we value instancy and disposability.  In our photos.  Our food.  And also our cultural figures.    

"There must be some kind of way out of here,"
Said the joker to the thief,
"There's too much confusion,
I can't get no relief.


Ah, Jimi.  Dead for over forty years, but still relevant*.  If only the kids knew who you were, dude. 

(* I know, I know - technically Bob's song, but spiritually/musically owned by Jimi). 

Day 358: Raindrops On Roses

A terrible drive home.  There has been a massive fire at a local recycling plant, which means road closures all around St Albans.  Traffic destined for two major roads is being diverted through the narrow chariot tracks of the town centre.  Gridlock and road rage abounds. 

About to seriously lose patience myself, but am cheered up no end by Barry Cryer on 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue'.  He is lugubriously singing the words of 'My Favourite Things' to the tune of Chopin's Funeral March.  Actually laugh out loud at the radio.  And then I don't feel so bad. 

A few years ago I met Barry Cryer at the Edinburgh Festival.  He was incredibly open and relaxed and funny.  I liked him immediately.  Today he is one of my favourite things. 

Try it.  It's good:-

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things


Day 357: Bra Lies

Passing by suburban stalwart Ann Summers, I notice this arresting poster in the window that exhorts you to TELL LIES (BOOST YOUR BUST). 

Yes.  Bra lies.  But we all know what happens to people who lie.  They get found out.  In this case, the minute the bra hits the floor and the LYING BUST is revealed in its flaccid shame.  Then the recriminations:- 

'I can't believe this, Beverley!  You've LIED to me with your TITS.  What next?  Have you boosted your hips? 

'Don't overreact, David.  You know that hips don't lie.  Shakira says so.'

'If tits can lie, so can Shakira.  And so can hips.  The trust is gone.  Goodbye, Beverley.'

(This could happen.  Seriously.)

Interesting that recent studies show a correlation between lies and low self-esteem.  The more lies you tell, the shittier you feel about yourself. 

You could do what the poster says.  TELL LIES (BOOST YOUR BUST).  Or instead you could just TELL THE TRUTH (BOOST YOUR SELF-ESTEEM). 





Day 356: Gryphon Gallstones

An afternoon spent nosing around the Hunterian Museum.  Jars containing otherworldly specimens, bleached and buoyed by embalming fluid.  A baby kangaroo, white and hairless - a dead ringer for Lewis Carroll's Mock Turtle.  The internal organs of 'A Siren' - as the label breezily reads.  I have no frame of reference for 'a Siren' other than the mermaidy one.  Begin to suspect that the Hunterian is a portal into a fictional world.  A suspicion which is only reinforced by the vision of the 'Skeleton of a Giant'.  What next?  Dragon pancreas?  Gall stones of a gryphon?   

It's a fascinating and unnerving place.  I love it - but it's not for everybody.  There are bits of people's faces.  Dead babies.  Twisted skeletons.  Seventeenth century veins, arteries and nerves - stripped out, dried and pasted onto wooden boards.  Delicate tracery that looks like relief carving.  So strange to think of a life that once ran strong through these brittle spidery webs. 

Upstairs there's a more modern bit.  There are video loops of surgical procedures.  As chance would have it, I am treated to a show of the very operation that saved my life.  I see the scalp being peeled back, the holes being drilled in the skull, a bone plate being removed, so the brain is accessible.  My fingers involuntarily seek out the dents left by the holes, the plate ridges, the long jagged scar that when pressed causes a nerve below my left shoulder blade to jump.  I'd always wondered exactly what happened.  Now I know. 

Through Soho up to Oxford Circus.  The Christmas lights are on.  This year they have a new sponsor.

Marmite lights.  Not for everybody. 

Rather like the Hunterian. 


Day 355: Turmericity

  I have finished a jar of turmeric.  In advance of the 'best before' date.  Does this make me unnatural?  (Aren't spices meant to go out of date?  Like most people, I've got some mace from 2006).  I don't know anybody else who eats that much turmeric. 

Turmeric isn't the only thing that disappears fast.  I can get through a jar of horseradish with indecent speed.  I will also eat mustard straight from the jar. 

My latest find it Chipotle Tabasco.  I like to shake it onto the back of my hand, and lick it off.  Try before you judge.  A smoky fiery slap that'll perk you up instantly.  

Anything with heat (mustard, wasabi, chilli) is addictive - that's well-documented.

But turmeric?  Niche.   

Friday, 9 November 2012

Day 354: The Metaphor Continues

Today my laptop dies again. I am with a new client - groovy canal-side warehouse offices, pool tables and street clothes, but an underlying sense of control-freakery and tension.  The woman doing the organising panics.  A lugubrious IT man is summoned.  He calls it, and pronounces time of death.  And does not disguise the pleasure this brings him.     

I get home, and do the 'fix' suggested to me last week by the man at PC World.  The laptop turns back on.  All is fine.  I believe in the power and the glory of 'static build up'.  Amen.

Then it goes again.  I have not rubbed the laptop with a balloon, or carried it whilst shuffling around on a nylon carpet.  I'm not even touching it.   

I have lost faith in the power of the 'fix'.  I should have known, as the clue is in the name.  It is just that - a 'fix'.  A short term answer to a far bigger problem.  The temporary relief allows you to kid yourself that everything is sorted.  It isn't.  And the 'fix' is needed on an increasingly regular basis.  What was intermittent now becomes weekly.  Daily.  Hourly. 

Back to PC World.  This time I want a replacement.  Or a radical repair.  I do not want another 'fix'.  I've got junk, but I'm not a junkie.  As The Killers might say. 

 

Day 353: Mind Your Language

In my groups today I have people from America, China, Turkey, India, Norway, Sweden, Germany, France, and Russia.  The topic is personal brand. 

China explain that he is uncomfortable with considering the self, and that every strength is also a weakness.  He goes on to add something very poetic about duality and the dark side/light side of every element.  (I feel like arranging flowers simply and banging a gong as a dragon enters.) 

Sweden references Ikea (seriously), and smiles a lot.  Continually.  If he is the light side of the Scandi coin, his neighbour, Norway, is the dark side.  Dry and sardonic and wintry.   

India talks cricket.  Fast.  America has great dental work and a positive approach.   Turkey is emotional and voluble.  Germany and Russia argue.  France goes out to make a phone call. 

Why do I feel like I'm part of a terrible 1970's sitcom?