Day 316: Easily Bruised

A day of random entertaining moments.  I'm in Marylebone when it starts raining - so dash into the nearest shop (Space NK - this is Marylebone, not Kilburn), only to hear this:-

Bucking the trend

Terrifying Sales Assistant: 'When you apply fragrance, it's important that you do NOT rub your wrists together.  This can BRUISE the perfume molecules.' 

It seems we are a nation of molecule-abusers.  And I am one of them.  I fear the guilt may show on my face, so I brave the rain and make for the more comfortable-looking Barnardo's charity shop.  As I'm skimming through a rack of clothes, all donated by Dame Shirley Bassey (as their labels thrillingly announce), a voice trills 'How do I look?'  I look round - a small blonde woman is looking directly at me for feedback.  She is wearing a skirt that BRUISES the molecules in my eyes.  She catches me on the hop - surprise makes my expression more truthful than I would choose to be, but she says she welcomes honest feedback.  I make general noises about the skirt pattern being overly large for someone with a small frame.  This goes down well, and she asks me to hang on while she changes into a black frock - she wants my advice.  I am put in a terrible position as she emerges, squeezed into a short, flippy skater dress that a twenty-year old with an impeccable figure might just about manage to pull off.  (She is the wrong side of fifty, and well-covered.)  I cannot lie, so the dress takes the heat.  I suggest that it is poor fabric, which has shrunk lengthwise - you can tell because the waist is too short, which is probably why somebody gave it away.  Blah, blah, blah.  Again, she seems grateful.  I look around, ready to spot a Beadle-esque hidden camera, but she appears to be genuine*. 

The lobby (this is as close as I got)

Now running late for a meeting in Durrants Hotel (snobby, boutiquey, difficult) I arrive to find my way barred by a doorman.  'No!  You can't come in - we're polishing the floor.'  I explain that I'm meant to be meeting people in the lobby, so he takes me round to a side entrance and deposits me in a sitting room.  I explain again that I'm meeting people IN THE LOBBY - he says that this is not possible because of POLISHING.  I sidle as close as I can to the verboten area (he's watching me, ready to take direct action), and hear voices.  There are people trying to access the lobby from the other side - they are being barred too.  With some waving and bawling over noise of the polisher I establish that these are the people I'm meant to be meeting.  But we cannot get to each other because of the gate-keepers.  Then I notice a chamber maid picking her way across the floor with her shoes in her hands.  So I do the same.  It seems that shoes can BRUISE the molecules in polish...

* She may have been playing a good game on a dull day.  Try on item you know will look maximum grim.  Perkily ask for stranger feedback.  Enjoy shock>confusion>subterfuge attempts.  If this is the case, I salute you, lady.