Day 262: 5-Step Programme

Prepare to hyperventilate

A failed attempt to buy my mother a birthday present.  The vast majority of the shopping that I do is food-related.  I'm pretty good in a supermarket.  (Good as in professional.  Not talented (that's taking it too far), but certainly skilled.)  But when it comes to any other sort of shopping, I have noticed a distinct pattern emerging. 

Stage one: first attempt.  This is dreadful.  I trail around EVERY shop.  There is NOTHING to buy.  Everything is SHIT and WRONG.  I am desperate.   I even go into TK Maxx for a whole five minutes.  I get hot and tired and trail home empty-handed. 

Stage two: second attempt (because it will not buy itself).  Revisit a few of the shops (not TK Maxx) that, by rights, aught to have something to buy.  Even though yesterday they did not.  Start to see a few vaguely feasible possibilities.  Tire quickly, and in slight panic buy one of the feasibles.  Slink home, feeling second-rate, but at least carying something.

Stage three: third attempt.  Recognise that the panic-bought item WILL NOT DO.  Gird loins.  Re-enter fray (not TK Maxx).  This time it's different.  Now I've got my eye in.  Suddenly can see and buy something suitable.  Relief.

Stage four: happily forget how to shop.  Time passes (more than you might think).

Stage five: need to shop.  Da capo*. 

I know I can't cheat the system.  There's no skipping straight to stage three, unless I'm prepared to stay limber with constant low-level shopping, but I simply can't do this to myself. 

That's fine.  But I need to remember that it WILL take three attempts.  The stress comes when I do not leave myself enough time for all of these. 

This time I'm on schedule.  Tomorrow - the purchase of something barely adequate.  Then on Saturday a small window to take back the adequate, and find the appropriate. 

At this point it's essential that I have faith in the process.  If I doubt it, all is lost (it's the panic that gets in my eyes, and stops me from seeing).