In a quiet basement coffee shop, with windows looking out onto the dank well between buildings. No-man's bin-land. Pigeons and litter and moss-stained walls. I'm with a friend, and we gradually become aware of a horrible squealing counterpoint to our conversation. It grows more insistent. We wonder whether it's a rat (in that wherever-you-are-in-London-there's-a-rat-in-your-pocket type way). Suddenly I notice a correlation - every time the pigeon swoops down and disappears from sight, the squealing starts. Disregarding public embarrassment, I leap to my feet, shouting 'PIGEON ON RAT!' and run to the window. As expected I see horrible scufflings in a dark corner, all wings and feet. It looks bad. But then the pigeon backs off, and I realise there is no rat. But there IS a big fat pigeon toddler, shrieking for food. Disappointing.
An internet search suggests that Pigeon vs Rat is not unusual. And a pretty even match. Rat: special weapon - big teeth; special power - aggression. Pigeon: special weapon - beak; special power - flight. It is interesting (if unpleasant) to note that a rat will actually attempt to eat a live pigeon given half a chance. A pigeon will not attempt to eat a rat. (Note: both parties prefer anything from Subway.) Today has been a day of potential drama NOT unfolding. Go to Pret (not Subway - I'm not a pigeon/rat). Huge overreaction from the guy on the till when I try to pay by card. HE CANNOT TAKE CARDS AT THIS TILL! I pay with cash (drama averted). It starts to rain as I walk to the pitch meeting where I am meant to look presentable. I HAVEN'T GOT AN UMBRELLA! It stops raining (drama averted).
There's a company based in Brooklyn called 'Rat vs Pigeon'. They make messenger bags for cyclists, and their slogan reads 'Ride fast, take chances'.What I thought might be a Rat vs Pigeon day turns out to be more Pigeon vs Pigeon Toddler.
'Ride slow, take sandwiches'.
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